Book Review: The Trauma of Everyday Life

The Trauma of Everyday Life

Mark Epstein, MD

Tags: Trauma, transitions, tools for transitions

Book Cover Summary: Trauma does not just happen to a few unlucky people; it is the bedrock of our psychology. Death and illness touch us all, but even the everyday sufferings of loneliness and fear are traumatic. In The Trauma of Everyday Life renowned psychiatrist and author of Thoughts Without a Thinker Mark Epstein uncovers the transformational potential of trauma, revealing how it can be used for the mind’s own development.

Western psychology teaches that if we understand the cause of trauma, we might move past it while many drawn to Eastern practices see meditation as a means of rising above, or distancing themselves from, their most difficult emotions. Both, Epstein argues, fail to recognize that trauma is an indivisible part of life and can be used as a lever for growth and an ever deeper understanding of change. When we regard trauma with this perspective, understanding that suffering is universal and without logic, our pain connects us to the world on a more fundamental level. The way out of pain is through it.

Epstein’s discovery begins in his analysis of the life of Buddha, looking to how the death of his mother informed his path and teachings. The Buddha’s spiritual journey can be read as an expression of primitive agony grounded in childhood trauma. Yet the Buddha’s story is only one of many in The Trauma of Everyday Life. Here, Epstein looks to his own experience, that of his patients, and of the many fellow sojourners and teachers he encounters as a psychiatrist and Buddhist. They are alike only in that they share in trauma, large and small, as all of us do. Epstein finds throughout that trauma, if it doesn’t destroy us, wakes us up to both our minds’ own capacity and to the suffering of others. It makes us more human, caring, and wise. It can be our greatest teacher, our freedom itself, and it is available to all of us.

Reinventurer's Review: Epstein's explanations of Buddha's path of awakening made a lot of sense to me. The idea that such awakening can be attained by all of us without giving up all earthly treasures, being alone in the wilderness, self-flagellation, or starvation is appealing. However, the alternative he proposes is still not an easy one.

The Western world in which we live is all about eliminating pain through avoidance, addiction, denial, and any other ways possible. Getting out of trauma, turmoil, and emotional distress is often our goal. Everywhere we look there are advertisements for how to change our uncomfortable circumstances in the quickest ways possible. Epstein argues that the only true path to enlightenment is through our traumas. Not over, under, or around them, but right through the middle.

Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung, said, "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering." S. Scott Peck, M.D., in his book entitled The Road Less Traveled, agrees that the avoidance of our problems and the emotional discomfort that accompanies them is the root of all mental illness. "Life is difficult," he says in the very first line of his book. Buddha and Epstein would agree. "...trauma is all pervasive. It does not go away. It continues to reassert itself as life unfolds. The Buddha taught that a realistic view makes all the difference. If one can treat trauma as a fact and not as a failing, one has the chance to learn from the inevitable slings and arrows that come one's way." (pg. 3 of The Trauma of Everyday Life)

Epstein covers a variety of trauma types as well as ways in which we try to avoid them. This is all done through the lens of Buddha's life and teachings as well as the lens of the author, a Harvard graduate in psychiatry. The duality of life and the paradoxes this presents make for an inconvenient calling for each of us to face our suffering so we might at the same time release it. Writing as one who has tried to repress a lot of suffering that ended up embedded in my body at a painfully cellular level, I can see how trudging straight through my trauma the first round, could have avoided endless sleepless nights and medical appointments!

This book spoke very loud and clear to me. I dare you to read all the way through it.

Questions to Ponder and Discuss

What has been your "go to" strategy for avoiding pain and suffering?

What is your mindset when it comes to trauma and emotional distress?

What thoughts from the book rang true for you?

What ideas or strategies from the book are you likely to use?

What, if any, changes do you observe in yourself after having read this book?